Joke #1: Guess What [long]


Disclaimer: keep your cringe to yourself

In an unnamed county, new LGBT laws are passed for law enforcement enlistment. In the same county, a new drug cartel is formed. A large number of people are recruited for both organizations, and work begins. The new police teams start slow sweeps of the region, and the cartels start swift drug ins-and-outs. Some weeks later, the drug shipments start getting caught, and raids become frequent. As a result, the drug cartels recruit a special batch of 20-something guys to act as mobile informants. One particular guy, Timmy, is rather excited to work with the cartel. Things start moving smoothly; the informants work nicely and develop a method for information transfer. They make a single call and decide a catchphrase each to signal danger. Almost all informants choose “code red” or some variation, others choose something like “shit” or “fuck” or “cocksuckers are here”. Timmy, however, has a rather peculiar phrase. The first time he senses a raid, he calls at the drug shipment warehouse and says “guess what” and cuts the call. The confounded cartel members are unable to make sense of it, and hence, get raided. Timmy gets reprimanded, with specific instructions to be clear. The next time, he calls again and says “guess what” and cuts the call, thus resulting in another successful raid. The cartel gang-rapes him and then cuts off his balls. They don’t kill him, because he’s one of their best spotters. The third time, he says the same thing: “guess what” and this time, a cartel member gets killed in the crossfire. They beat Timmy up to a pulp, and leave him to die. The cartel head walks over to him.

“What the shit were you trying to say, you dumb twat? The hell are we supposed to guess?”

Timmy coughs up bloody phlegm and says, “But I was trying to be very specific!”

“How the fuck?”

“Whenever I knew one of the new police teams was coming with a raid party, I always said gay S.W.A.T.!”

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