To Mock A Killing Bird


The early bird gets the worm, but the bird of prey gets them both.

This one’s about that time when I saw a face-off between a falcon in his prime and a parrot with a human-equivalent IQ.

[Context: the parrot -his owner was a twenty-one year old kid- has escaped from a life of unlimited food (and drink) to get a taste of freedom. He lands on a boulder and sees a falcon land near him, thus stirring up the huge parrot-vocabulary.]

Parrot: You little piece of shit

Falcon: ok

Parrot: you son of a cocksucking bald eagle

Falcon: ok

Parrot: you scare pussies away but you’re a bigger pussy, eh mate

Falcon: you do realize that I will kill you, don’t you?

Parrot: do you realize that you were adopted by a pair of sterile crows?

Falcon: goddamnit

Parrot: eat a dick, you stupid sexually transmitted idiot 

Falcon: That’s it

Parrot: [having finally exhausted his word supply] Im outta words

Falcon: [making a big show of cocking his neck and clacking forward] Any last words?

Parrot: I just said I was out of words, you numbskull

Falcon: wait what

Parrot: what

Then the falcon proceeds to tear the parrot up and eat the parrot as the latter manages to cough up one last insult (as perceived by said falcon).

“Oh, you’re a lady falcon!”



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